How to get over a breakup when you still love the person? This was something I had to walk through myself. I knew God was asking me to break up with my ex-boyfriend, but letting go of him was hard.
My ex was everything I thought I wanted. He met so many things on my list, but he was not the person God wanted me to be with. I unfortunately disobeyed God for close to three years and stayed in the relationship even though God had already shown me that I needed to leave.
When I finally obeyed God and broke up with him, the first two months were the hardest.
I missed him.
I was tempted to text him.
I wondered if I would ever meet someone else I was attracted to who also loved Jesus.
Looking back, I am so glad I did obey God. I am now married to an amazing man of God who loves Jesus. I am attracted to him, and our life callings align with one another.
So if you are struggling to get over a breakup, know that you’re not alone and know that obeying God will always be worth it.
Here are five things that helped me get over my breakup and embrace my single season with God that I believe will help you.
1. Don’t replay memories in your mind from the past
I remember lying in bed and thinking about the times my ex and I went to Disney, cooked together, or simply spent time together. Those memories made me miss him and question whether I should have let the relationship go.
I ended up getting back together with my ex after a few months of our breakup because I chose to replay the memories of our past and allowed my heart to hold on to him.
You may still love your ex, but those feelings do not mean you need to return to the relationship. If God has given you clear convictions about leaving, keep those truths before you when you are tempted to look back.
Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
We need to renew our minds with God’s Word. To renew our mind means to replace our thoughts with God’s truth.
When a memory of your ex comes up, choose to replace those memories with God’s truth. You can meditate on verses that speak of God’s faithfulness to help you trust that God knows best.
I wrote Bible verses and reminders of God’s promises on sticky notes beside my bed during my breakup. These sticky notes were the first things I would see in the morning and the last things I saw at night. I needed those reminders because my boyfriend used to be the first and last person I would text.
Find Bible verses and promises of God to write down on a sticky note for you to practice renewing your mind with.
2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us to “Take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” When fear arises, remind yourself that God is faithful and that you can trust Him with your future. When thoughts like, “What if I never meet my future husband?” Keeps replaying in your mind, replace that thought with God’s Word. Here’s an example: “I thank you Jesus that you say in Psalm 37:4, as I delight myself in You, You will give me the desires of my heart. You know my desire for a husband and I trust You to bring Him at the right time.”
Keep God’s Word close so you have truth to turn to when your feelings and fears pull you back.
2. Don’t text your ex and try to stay as friends
Another reason I returned to my ex after our initial breakup was that we kept texting. We tried to be friends without being too close, but this stopped me from moving on and truly letting him go.
I understand how hard it is to stop talking to someone who was such a big part of your life. You may think that an occasional text will be harmless, but you are still playing with fire by still keeping in contact with him. (Side note: When you eventually do get married, your spouse will not want you to be friends with your ex anyways).
If God is asking you to let go, surrender the relationship fully. Continuing to text with the hope that you might get back together or stay as friends can make it harder to move forward in obeying God.
Proverbs 13:20 says, “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” Who we spend time with influences us. For me, staying in contact with my ex kept pulling my heart toward a relationship God had asked me to leave.
Set boundaries that support your obedience to God. When you feel tempted to text your ex, reach out to a trusted friend who can pray with you and remind you of God’s faithfulness and promises.
3. Delete the photos
Deleting photos was hard for me. I wanted to keep those memories, but keeping the photos also showed me that there was a part of my heart still holding on to my ex.
I also found myself checking my ex’s social media to see how he was doing. Even after unfollowing him, I would occasionally look at his profile. I had to ask myself, “Why am I still peeking into the past?”
If you keep looking through your photos or checking your ex’s page, that shows you have not completely let him go.
Deleting the photos and stopping those social media visits were practical steps I needed to take, and I believe they will help you too. Ask God to help you release your ex and even the feelings you may have had in that relationship
4. Have access to community and accountability
During my single season, I joined a singles ministry at my church. The focus was on helping us become whole as single people, and I really needed that.
After those gatherings, someone would often encourage me or share something that reminded me to trust God. I remember coming home, and my mom would tell me that my face was glowing. I had joy again, even while I was walking through a difficult season.
I also had close friends who spoke truth, encouraged me, and prayed with me. One of my biggest breakthroughs came when I confessed my fear of singleness to a friend/mentor. After we prayed, I felt a heavy weight lift off me.
Hebrews 10:24–25 encourages us to keep gathering together and encouraging one another. We need people who will help us follow Jesus when our emotions make obedience difficult.
Find a church community or trusted friend you can be honest with. Let them know when you are struggling or feel tempted to contact your ex. Give them room to speak truth into your life and help you stay accountable to what God has spoken to you.
5. Run to Jesus as your source of love and strength
This was the most important part of getting over my breakup. I had to learn to run to Jesus when I felt lonely and needed love.
For the first few weeks, I tried to fill every weekend with plans. I would ask friends to spend all Saturday and Sunday with me because I did not want to be alone. Then one weekend, no one could hang out, and I sensed God asking me, “Gaby, am I not enough?”
That question led me to start spending my Saturdays at coffee shops with the Lord. I spent time in His Word, prayed, and learned that I could experience His love even when no one else was with me.
Psalm 34:8 says, “Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.” We experience God’s goodness as we take refuge in Him. When you are hurting, tell Him what is on your heart and invite Him to give you a revelation of His love.
There were days when I found strength in God, then woke up the next morning needing that strength again. I had to keep seeking Jesus. He became my daily bread (source of love, satisfaction, and strength I needed).
Psalm 46:1 says, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” God is present with you in this season. You can bring Him your sadness, your fears, and your desire to be loved.
I am married now, and while I have an amazing husband, he cannot meet every need in my heart. I still need Jesus. What God taught me in my single season continues to strengthen me today.
Getting over a breakup takes time. Keep seeking God, renewing your mind with His truth, and surrounding yourself with people who will encourage you to follow Him. You can learn to experience His love and find joy in your single season.
I share more of my testimony and how I learned to embrace singleness in my book, Single but in a Relationship with God. My heart is to help you find God real in your everyday life and embrace this season without settling for less than God’s best.
Which of these five areas has been the hardest for you? What are some tips you have used that have helped you get over a breakup? I would love to hear in the comments below.
Get the Single but in a Relationship with God book to help you embrace your singleness without settling for less than God’s best
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